The other day, I spotted a spider in the bathtub as I wanted to get ready to shower. My initial reaction, and usual reaction, is to turn on the shower head and kill the spider. I did initially, but somehow, this time I was so overwhlemed with guilt for trying to end the spider's innocent life. With "Spider murder" ringing in my head, I turned off the shower head and waited patiently for the spider to move out of the danger zone. Surely after being attacked by droplets of water enough to drown it, it will run right? Wrong. The spider stubbornly remained where it was and so being very patient and kind and brave, I manually moved the spider to a safe zone and proceeded with my shower. However, the stubborn (or maybe stupid) spider, insisted on crawling back into the tub and towards the water. It could not make up its mind on whether it wanted to go towards the water or away from it and any escape attempt was halfhearted. I did move it a second time, but it drowned in the end and died.
I tried to save it. But the spider was stubborn and insisted on moving into the "danger" zone. What could I have done? I waited. But the spider did not bug or made any attempt in rectifying its situation. What could I have done? I tried not to end its life journey. It seemed to want the opposite. What more could I have done? I can't wait forever.
And so the spider's life ended. Rest in peace stubborn spider. I tried. ）：
Then it got me thinking (what a lot of work a spider made me go through), sometimes no matter how much I want something to go on, it has to come to an end. As much as I tried to save the spider's life, the end was here for it. For everything else that all might think to last, just like the sudden end to a spider's life, maybe the end is here.
It reminded me of how small I am, and how much stuff is not within my control. There's nothing that I can do now, except lift my hands up and surrender, and watch how things unfold according to the perfect script for my life.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Ill
What a way to start the semester. I am ill with heavy head, blocked and runny nose and weird throat. I was also nearly late for my very first class of the semester and later, I realized my UB card dropped from the cardholder when I was at my apartment block. Thank God my roommate was home and Cassie kindly opened the door for me. Retraced my route after to try and look for my card in the cold as I need it to enter my apartment block. Thankfully though, I received a call from the apartment office saying that my card was there. So all's good at the end.
Just took a panadol and drank hot tea. Nap time now!
Just took a panadol and drank hot tea. Nap time now!
2010 - Big Year Ahead
First day of my last semester started today and the first class of my last semester has just ended. So while waiting to pass my french textbook over, I decided to camp out in Lockwood Library to escape for the torturous cold that is biting on the skin of those brave souls out there, attempt to start out the semester by being a studious student and print all my notes in advance and do something productive such as updating this badly outdated blog.
Much has passed since my dad's visit. I have been to Boston and back, passed my driving test and became a certified New York State driver, passed the winter holidays in absolute fun and silliness at times filled with lots of impromptu baking, movies, food and camping overs completed with a good trip to New York City and Philadelphia. How am I supposed to do a complete update on all these events, I have no idea now. I am determined to do so though, maybe in small posts and let's hope that determination does not die off halfway though I am very much afraid it most likely will.
During my very first class today, French, we had to ask our partner when is their graduation date. Saying it out loud today that I graduate in May really made me realize how soon it is till I am done with University. Needless to say, I'm naturally a little apprehensive and nervous about it. Here I am, at 20 years old, about to graduate in 4 months. What am I going to do after that? Studying has always been what I am supposed to do, my "job" from when I started school till now. To stop studying is scary. And of course I can't believe that my University phase just passed over in a flash. It has been too fast, too fun and maybe not what I really expected University to be. I suppose in a way I don't feel like I have learned enough or know enough to say I have graduated from University. Anyway, regardless of how I feel, the job hunt starts now. Attended the Network New York while I was in New York City and was slapped with facts of how difficult to the point of being impossible for international students to land themselves a job for reasons of being too expensive especially in today's economy. Obviously I am still going to try for anything I can get, even if it's only an internship for 3 months. But on the other hand, I have to be realistic and give myself a time period to look for a job, after that I will probably just return to Singapore for good and begin my job hunt there.
It's a big, maybe exciting year ahead, turning 21, graduating, starting work. May God bless me through it!
The other posts will come soon. For now, I leave you guys these rants. (:
Much has passed since my dad's visit. I have been to Boston and back, passed my driving test and became a certified New York State driver, passed the winter holidays in absolute fun and silliness at times filled with lots of impromptu baking, movies, food and camping overs completed with a good trip to New York City and Philadelphia. How am I supposed to do a complete update on all these events, I have no idea now. I am determined to do so though, maybe in small posts and let's hope that determination does not die off halfway though I am very much afraid it most likely will.
During my very first class today, French, we had to ask our partner when is their graduation date. Saying it out loud today that I graduate in May really made me realize how soon it is till I am done with University. Needless to say, I'm naturally a little apprehensive and nervous about it. Here I am, at 20 years old, about to graduate in 4 months. What am I going to do after that? Studying has always been what I am supposed to do, my "job" from when I started school till now. To stop studying is scary. And of course I can't believe that my University phase just passed over in a flash. It has been too fast, too fun and maybe not what I really expected University to be. I suppose in a way I don't feel like I have learned enough or know enough to say I have graduated from University. Anyway, regardless of how I feel, the job hunt starts now. Attended the Network New York while I was in New York City and was slapped with facts of how difficult to the point of being impossible for international students to land themselves a job for reasons of being too expensive especially in today's economy. Obviously I am still going to try for anything I can get, even if it's only an internship for 3 months. But on the other hand, I have to be realistic and give myself a time period to look for a job, after that I will probably just return to Singapore for good and begin my job hunt there.
It's a big, maybe exciting year ahead, turning 21, graduating, starting work. May God bless me through it!
The other posts will come soon. For now, I leave you guys these rants. (:
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